Friday, April 23, 2010

Trying to find my smile

Another trying day….I am sure this will be par for the course for a while. Thanks to all my friends and family who have called or txted or imed.  I don’t know what I would do with out yall. Thanks for sitting through the random bursts of tears. I will get it together.

I spent yesterday thinking on my part in breakdown of our marriage. There are things I could have done  differently. Mistakes I made….circumstances where had I made another choice we might not be where we are today…..From talking with my folks one thing I would never do again is move into a house with ties to me. Living in this house that my mother owns and for all intents and purposes is mine made it MINE. Not ours, I can honestly say I never told him or even intimated that I held it over it his head….he felt like I did.

I am still angry…and it still hurts but I have cut off contact for me. I need time to smooth away the sharp edges ….a glass of pineapple rum and sunny d mango helps! Day by day..I get through. Now I am playing my theme song…Destiny’s Child Survivor

Now that you are out of my life,
I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak without ya,
but I'm stronger
You thought that I'd be broke without ya,
but I'm richer
You thought that I'd be sad without ya,
I laugh harder
You thought I wouldn't grow without ya,
now I'm wiser
You thought that I'd be helpless without ya,
but I'm smarter
You thought that I'd be stressed without ya,
but I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without ya,
sold 9 million
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what)
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what)
I'm a survivor (what), I'm gonna make it
I'm a survivor (what), keep on survivin' (what)

thats what that is!